WHEN YOU WAKE UP...ASK YOURSELF--"WHAT WOULD VICTORIA BECKHAM EAT?"

If you want to be thin, it's not a 1-week fling. Honey, this is a serious relationship. Get serious.

If you're going to do something, GO ALL OUT.

Wake up in the morning, feeling like P.Diddy. Okay, usually I don't. But I do wake up in the morning needing Starbucks. I love my yummy lattes but go Mary Kate Olsen and just order a venti black Mild. First of all, the Mild is stronger and has more caffeine than the Bold. Sip on this throughout the day, smoke a few ciggs and you'll be great. The caffeine will make you feel high and superior.

If you do feel somewhat faint and need nourishment, I suggest either a nearby Booster Juice (or Jamba Juice, they're similar) or a fruit-and-nut bar from Starbucks.

I will begin to follow my own advice. I will ask myself whenever my stomach growls incessantly, as it is doing right now, "What would Victoria Beckham eat?". My new life will comprise of clear soups and organic fruit smoothies. Are you prepared for the jump? Am I? Some feminists say worrying and being preoccupied about your weight is propoganda from the government who want women to not pay attention to serious matters like law, war and politics but really, WHO IS HAPPY BEING FAT? All I will think during election week and World War III Is how I am sweating profusely through my fat glands!

Tomorrow, when I arise on a beautiful sunny day, I will ask myself, "What Would Victoria Eat?"

If I had to choose between the parfait and the egg McMuffin....I know she'd go for the parfait. So, I'd go for it too. It's about CHOICES. DECISIONS. Eat choice you make can either make you Kate Moss (without the coke addiction, hopefully) or make you Rosie MacDonald. You pick. I know I am.